FADE IN:
INT. PROPERTY MANAGER OFFICE - DAY
Kevin enters the Property Manager's office while the property manager sits at his desk.
KEVIN
Hey, did you want to see me?
Kevin walks closer to the desk.
PROPERTY MANAGER
Kevin, how was your day at the Strip?
KEVIN
Well, it started off like-
flashback of "The Kevin, the strip, and Mayor satan episode.
KEVIN
And yeah that's pretty much it.
PROPERTY MANAGER
Oh Kevin I didn't mean the strip, strip. I meant the strip club. the name of the strip club is called The Strip. Wait does that ice cream shop have strawberry ice cream?
KEVIN
I think so.
PROPERTY MANAGER
Oh, man, I have to go, I'll talk to you later Kevin.
The property Manager flies off into the distance screeching something to Kevin as he departs.
PROPERTY MANAGER
You should check out the neighborhood and watch out for gangs.
The property manager is out of sight. Kevin still looking up trying to figure out what was the last word the property manager said.
KEVIN
I wonder why the Property manager wants me to watch out for games, I wonder what type of games?
Kevin starts walking down the sidewalk to exit his apartment. As he is exiting a car crashes into the brick wall on the other side of the sidewalk. Kevin stops in front of the crashed vehicle.
TACO BELL MEMBER #1
Get in the car! Get in the fucking car right now!
KEVIN
Alright
Kevin gets in the backseat. The driver makes attempts at starting the car.
KEVIN
so how are yo-
TACO BELL MEMBER #1
Shut up!
Angrily attempts to start the car. Another vehicle but this time in all black goes by the wrecked vehicle and starts shooting at the vehicle.
TACO BELL MEMBER #1
Get down! Get down!
Both Kevin and Taco Bell Member #1 duck.
DEL TACO DRIVER
Fuck you taco bell!
TACO BELL MEMBER #1
Goddamn, Del taco motherfuckers.
taco bell member #1 gets the car started and starts driving.
KEVIN
I think del taco is pretty good.
TACO BELL MEMBER #1
Shut the hell up, no you don't.
KEVIN
So where are we going?
TACO BELL MEMBER #1
Don't say a single thing until we get to the boss.
KEVIN
Is the boss a chill guy?
TACO BELL MEMBER #1
Goddammit.
The car pulls up to a taco bell, Kevin and taco bell member #1 get out of the car and approach the building.
KEVIN
What are we doing at taco bell?
TACO BELL MEMBER #1
Just keep walking.
Kevin and taco Bell member #1 enter the taco bell several other members are standing around. They keep walking until they enter a smaller room with a person in a bell costume sitting at a desk counting money. Another person stands beside the bell.
TACO BELL MEMBER #1
Sir, I found another one.
THE BELL
Great now leave us alone.
TACO BELL MEMBER #1
Yes, sir.
Both taco bell member #1 and the other standing person leave the room. Leaving the bell and Kevin alone in the room. Kevin takes a seat. the bell slides some papers to Kevin. Kevin looks down and it is an application.
THE BELL
Fill these papers out. The bell slides a pen to Kevin.
KEVIN
So why are you in a bell costume?
THE BELL
Because I am the fucking bell!
Kevin continues to fill out the application.
KEVIN
So what is this for?
THE BELL
Shhh still filling out the application, murmurs stuff as he goes along because he has trouble completing it.
KEVIN
Alright, I'm finished. The bell takes the application.
THE BELL
What the fuck. You didn't fill out the majority of this.
KEVIN
Yeah, I don't know a lot of that information.
THE BELL
Fuck it, welcome to the team Kevin.
KEVIN
Okay cool, so what do I do?
THE BELL
Your first job is to grab ammunition from Moe's Southwest Grill.
KEVIN
Ok, sure where is Moe's?
THE BELL
Right across the street
KEVIN
Okay, so why am I getting ammunition?
THE BELL
Don't ask questions. Just do what I tell you.
KEVIN
Ok
Kevin stands up from his chair and gets close to exiting through the door until The Bell stops him.
THE BELL
Hey Kevin you'll be needing this.
The Bell passes Kevin a gun. Kevin takes the gun.
KEVIN
What do I need this for?
THE BELL
Just in case.
Kevin walks out of the office and exits the building and heads towards Moe's. Kevin gets to the door and is immediately yanked inside and thrown on the floor.
MOES TEAM MEMBER
Who are you and what the hell are you doing here?
KEVIN
I'm Kevin, and the bell sent me to get ammunition.
GREEN PEPPER
Let him up.
Moe's Team Member lets Kevin up. Kevin stands up surrounded by other Moe's Team Members. A man in a green pepper suit walks toward Kevin.
GREEN PEPPER
Hello Kevin they call me the Green Pepper also known as G Pep around here.
KEVIN
Hello G Pep, I'm supposed to be getting ammunition for the bell
GREEN PEPPER
Haha, the bell crazy son of a bitch, well sorry but there won't be any ammunition deals until taco bell does something for us.
KEVIN
What do you want?
GREEN PEPPER
Last week Chipotle took one of our own so I think it's time we do the same. You got some heat?
KEVIN
Well, I'm not a pepper so I don't think I have any heat.
MOES TEAM MEMBER
You really want this dumbass to shoot someone for us, G Pep.
GREEN PEPPER
I have full confidence in Kevin here to take out one of the chipotle guys. Here Kevin take this.
G Pep hands Kevin a sniper.
GREEN PEPPER
Okay Kevin the plan is simple. climb on top of the abandoned T- Mart behind this place and look through the scope and aim it at Chipotle. Once the job is done return here and we will give you the ammunition. Sound good?
KEVIN
Yeah, except I don't know how to use this thing.
GREEN PEPPER
Go Kevin, now
Kevin exits through the door and heads towards the T-Mart. He climbs the ladder and gets to the rooftop.
Kevin points sniper towards Chipotle. Kevin prepares to pull the trigger until he is hit with a rag of chloroform. Kevin falls over.
Kevin wakes up on the floor surrounded by people in black and burgundy. As he is on the floor a burgundy pepper walks towards him.
B PEP
What the fuck do you think you were doing?
KEVIN
I was uhh-
B PEP
Trying to kill one of us. Yeah, we know of Moes's plans we had their place bugged for the past month. Now give us a reason why we shouldn't kill you.
KEVIN
Well, maybe I could help you?
CHIPOTLE TEAM MEMBER
What could you help us with? Let's kill him already boss.
B PEP
Quiet! I'll decide what to do with him.
A smoke grenade is thrown through the window of Chipotle. Smoke fills the lobby of Chipotle. Gunshots are fired and glass shattering. Kevin is taken out of the building.
B PEP
Everyone get down!
TACO BELL MEMBER #1
Haha, fuck you chipotle mother fuckers!
A car can be heard driving away. The smoke clears and glass and empty rounds surround the floor.
B PEP
Is everyone alright?
CHIPOTLE TEAM MEMBER
Boss, the kid is gone.
B PEP
Let him go. Someone clean this damn mess up. I'll be in my office.
Kevin in the backseat with two other taco bell members suiting him up with C4
TACO BELL MEMBER #1
We got orders from the bell that there's been a change of plans. We are to strap you up with C4 and you are going to blow up Roberto's and Del Taco.
KEVIN
Okay, but how do I escape?
TACO BELL MEMBER #1
You don't. The bomb is on a timer all you have to do is step inside and wait.
TACO BELL MEMBER #1
Alright time to get the fuck out.
Kevin is kicked out of the car in front of a Roberto's that has been combined with a del taco. Kevin goes inside
KEVIN
Hello! Anyone here?
Kevin walks towards a handmade sign that says "went to go shoot El Pollo Loco be back soon."
KEVIN
Oh thank goodness, oh wait.
Kevin struggles to take off the C4 vest. After struggling, he throws it on the floor and runs out of the building.
As soon as Kevin steps, out of the building, it explodes. Kevin makes a run for the empty parking lot of T-Mart and tries to hide to think.
KEVIN
Oh man, why do these guys hate each other? Maybe if they just tried each other's food everything will be fine. But how do I get them all together? Oh, I know... A potluck.
A montage begins.
INT. STORE - DAY
Kevin goes to the store to pick out supplies. Kevin waits in line.
INT. APARTMENT COMPLEX - DAY
Kevin writes invitations Kevin makes posters
INT. STORE - DAY
Kevin waits in line
EXT. FRONT DOORS OF EACH RESTAURANT - DAY
Kevin drops off the invitations at the restaurant's doors montage ends
Each gang leader picks up Kevin's invitation.
ALL GANG MEMBERS
What the fuck!
Tables are set up in a community center gym. Food from all the restaurants is placed on the tables. Kevin stands in the center. Surrounded by all the gangs
KEVIN
Welcome everyone to the East Side Potluck.
Yelling amongst the gangs occur. Fighting occurs and some start to pull out weapons.
KEVIN
Guys, guys, guys, why are you fighting? All the gangs talk at once and continue arguing.
KEVIN
Look guys we are all the same. Majority of us founded by white people. And if we weren't founded by white people, then we sold out to them. We are all subjects to capitalism. We all serve food to people who think jalapenos are extremely hot and our food comes straight out of Mexico. Look at us, we all wear the same black pants with pride.
the gangs start cheering, clapping, and hugging one another. the door of the community center opens aggressively. Three people stand in the doorway.
AUTHENTIC MEXICAN GUYS #1
Who the hell are these guys (Spanish) AUTHENTIC MEXICAN GUYS #2
Fuck these guys, get rid of them. (Spanish)
The three Authentic Mexican guys pull out machine guns and murder all the gang members. Kevin still stands in the middle of the gym. The three Authentic Mexican guys drive away.
FADE TO: BLACK